Allen Finally Hits It
by XimitationXgoth
Summary: I don't want to give a lot away, but it's just a crack fic. Allen discovers something in the morning and goes to find Lavi. Lavi and Kanda explain to him everything and everyone lives happily ever after. Except for maybe Allen.


All right, so this is my first D. Gray Man fanfic, my second one-shot fic, and my third crack-fic. I grow up so fast. I'm sorry for the lack of classiness. I reserve for just regular fiction, since let's face it, no one wants to read something too smart that involves smexy cartoon characters who come to life only during the conventions.. and maybe dreams.

Anyhow, I dedicate this fan-fic to the graduation class of 2008. Yay, we finally finished high-school! Yeah. Go taxes!

Read and Review.

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**Allen Finally Hits It  
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by imitationXgoth

The day started out quite normal. Allen woke up in his usual sweat and tears after a nightly fantasy meeting with his master. The man was a true blue devil and he somehow managed to terrify poor white-haired Exorcist even with like bazillion miles between them. But, after a few moments of reflection on the latest addition to his nightmare collection, the boy's legs swung over the bed. The cold floor enveloped his body in a chill. He rubbed his nose and trotted off to the bathroom to take a well deserved piss. But that was as far as normal decided to venture with this boy. For as soon as he stepped over into his bathroom, reality or rather whatever he perceived as reality vanished into the thin air.

"Oh my fucking god. What is that?" he screamed, pointing to his own face. Suddenly, the urgency to go to the bathroom disappeared. Something horrendous, monstrous, and downright just unnatural appeared on his face. He touched it gingerly. It jiggled but other than that, remained in place on his face. Allen inspected it from different angles, but it remained faceless. "Must be a new Akuma radar or something," he mumbled. And yet, the boy wasn't completely satisfied with that explanation. "Guess it's Lavi time," mumbled he, eyes narrowed as he stared at the strange irregularity on his face. It mocked him, staying completely still. This never happened to him before. Must be the work of the innocence, Allen deduced.

And yet, he couldn't brush his teeth normally or comb his hair or even change his clothing without returning to the mirror to stare down on his newfound opponent. It was silly, he thought, to be afraid of something that just didn't move. But then, by appearing on his face, it must have moved. O-oh. Panic beat down in his chest. He had to go find Lavi this moment before this things decided to eat his Sasuke-inspired face, cause he wasn't willing to give up his title as the cutest Exorcist like ever. Lord knows, Lenalee was dying to get him out of the competition. She just faked being nice.

But now was not the time to consider whether Lenalee's sweetness was a product of long term plotting or just plain coincidence. Afraid that whatever-it-was-on-his-face would terrify the unsuspecting by standers, Allen had to improvise. He couldn't effectively run with a hand on his forehead. So, improvising, the boy slapped a band-aid on the monstrosity and yet, that didn't entire hide the strange jiggly mountain. Without losing another second of precious time, he slammed the door of his room and dashed to the Lavi Cave . Even the lure of the sweet kitchen smells was not enough to stop the boy on a mission. He flew down the hallway and then down the stairs.

There, at the end of the hall was Lavi's bachelor pad. The boy slammed into the door, beating it and kicking it feverishly. "Open the god-damn door, L. ( © Death Note )" Allen screamed on top of his lungs. The door did open, though slowly. With hair in his face, Lavi starred at Allen with one good eye. "'Sup, home slice?"

"Stop being out of character for the sake of getting more fangirls and possibly fan boys.HELP ME." Allen pushed his way through the door and Lavi, careful to avoid any suspicious mess covered by a book. "Okay, now this is going to shock you for sure. So um, sit down. And ugh... I'll show it to you."

"If this is about Kanda again, I do realize he's a guy. You don't need to take more photos of him in the bath-" Lavi began before Allen ripped off the band-aid. Standing there dramatically with the band-aid in one hand and the horrible nightly visitor on his face, Allen was breathless. Lavi stared at him. Silently, Allen counted up to thirty before the red head stirred.

"Allen."

"Yes? I know. It's horrible. I hope it's not contagious. What if it's Millennium Earl's doing? Oh, I just know, right now, Tyki is laughing his face off," the white hair boy rapidly spoke, about to cry with hopelessness. He was going to be eaten alive until he's nothing but a, a...

"Zit. It's a zit," Lavi said, pointing at the other's forehead. "You know, you get them when you're like a teen."

"What? But you don't have them. Your skin is flawless. And Kanda too," bewildered Allen replied. He rubbed his forehead, the so called 'zit' feeling more and more familiar on his face.

Lavi laughed. "Tch, of course. We already know the secret of cover u-"

"Nooooooo. Don't tell him yet," screamed out Kanda as he charged into the room with his sword drawn. "Only the members of Puberty Club can know the secret. Treason. Treason, Lavi. And you know, treason is punishable by _death_!"

"Oh, shove that sword where it will do more work, like your arse," Lavi said, waving his hand aside. "Anyway, listen kid," said the red head. He poked Allen's forehead. "You've finally hit it."

"Hit what?" Allen asked. Kanda settled comfortably on Lavi's bed. "Tch, what a bean sprout," mumbled Yu, flipping his hair, opening his 'Sixteen' magazine.

"Okay, let's see. Let me find something." Lavi proceeded to work his way through the pile of books before he pulled one out. " Here we go. Sit down , Allen, right by Yu, but not too close. He gets emotional every time I tell about the wonders of PUBERTY."

Kanda already took out his handkerchief , blowing his nose, as Lavi opened the book and sat down by Allen. "When a boy or a girl hit a certain age, their bodies _change_. They become grow up."

"Change, you mean like Akuma?"

"No, silly nilly. Like, hm, have you ever woken up and your boxers were really tight?"

"Yeah."

"That's morning wood."

"Does Lenalee get it?"

"No. But she turns evil once a month. It's called PMS," Lavi continued, flipping the page to reveal new illustrations. Allen's eyes were wide.

"Wow. There's so much I didn't know. So, Lavi tell me, does this zit mean I've become a man?"

"Nope. But it does mean that we can now innitiate you into our Puberty Club. Hurrah for hazing!"screamed Lavi as he took out his hammer.

Without a doubt, that was the most educational and painful morning Allen ever had.


End file.
